My husband and I started dating about four years ago. Right from the off, I told him I didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, and not in the oh-I’m-going-to-tell-you-not-to-get-anything-but-really-if-you-don’t-I’m-going-to-silent-treatment-you-to-death kind of way. I made it clear that I have a genuine distaste for the whole thing and I was relieved to find he felt the same way, and we’ve always treated it as just being any normal day.
When I tell people that I don’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, I get some pretty weird looks. Like there’s something wrong with me. Like I’m some kind of love-hating monster. I’ve even had people call me cynical and cold, been told that I clearly don’t believe in love and to stop ruining it for everyone else.
You only have to spend any amount of time with my husband and me to know that that couldn’t be further from the truth. The reason I hate Valentine’s Day isn’t because I don’t believe in love. It’s the exact opposite.
I love love. I’m a hopeless romantic. I believe in deep, passionate, immovable, powerful, epic love. I believe love changes things that nothing else can touch. I believe that love is life-giving and beautiful and heart-wrenching and mysterious and huge. And there’s the problem. When faced with that kind of love, the whole Valentine’s thing begins to look… cheap. Like a poor imitation. Like someone promising to show you a dragon and then fishing a small frog out of their garden pond. If I gave my husband a gaudy card with a cheesy poem inside it would be like telling him I’m a millionaire and handing over a few tarnished pennies as though that’s proof.
The other issue I have with this particular day of celebration is that while I’m not single, I remember what it was like when I was. I know a lot of very strong, independent single people. I also know that feeling lonely and isolated is something that even strong, independent singles experience from time to time. Some are not bothered by Valentine’s day but I know an awful lot who are.
When you take a step back, Valentine’s Day is essentially a day for couples to say “The fact that we have each other and are in love isn’t enough. We’re going to make an entire day be all about couples. If you’re part of a couple you get to shower one another with gifts and eat a nice meal together and indulge in PDAs that normally you’d keep private. If you’re not part of a couple you’re not allowed to join in, and if you try to actively do something to get through a day where you’re being told you’re not special enough to be loved, some couples will laugh at you and label you ‘A bit tragic’.”
When you’re part of a couple, you can celebrate your love ANY TIME YOU LIKE. Why does there have to be a day where everyone does it at once? If anything that makes it less special because it’s not really about you as a couple, it’s about anyone who’s in a relationship.
I knew a couple a while ago who explained that because they have kids and are very busy and sometimes struggle to make time for just each other, Valentine’s Day is useful because they can clear that whole day and they can book a babysitter etc. So pick another day. Maybe a day that means something special to the two of you, like the date of your first date. Or if not, just any day. Why does it have to be on a day filled with plastic hearts and pink teddies and flowers that will die in a couple of days and so many other things that really have so very little to do with love?
If you’re so attached to Valentine’s Day itself, maybe you need to examine yourself and ask if there’s a part of you that enjoys the fact that you get to feel superior about the fact that someone loves you.
Then remember it’s only by grace that you are loved at all.
Does anyone else go on Wikipedia to look something up and then click on a bunch of random links and then half an hour later you’re 10 articles deep into the inner workings of Vietnamese politics
I will know my life is successful when I have a library with a rolling ladder.
me: *gets upset when no one knows about my favorite band*
me: *gets upset when everyone finds out about my favorite band*
Joseph Gordon-Levitt (via blowkissesnotboys)
Joe once again demonstrating how great he is.
and I can barely stand it. Missing him way too much.
I belong with you
You belong with me
You’re my sweetheart
Oh my goodness I need ALL OF THESE IN MY LIFE.